Wow. Two years. Two whole years since going through the nightmare that was labour. 24 hours of dull aches to screaming pain. Pushing, pooing, crying, blood and drugs.
You started really making your presence known at about 7 pm when the pains grew. A couple of hours before I was timing the contractions and trying to eat a vegetarian burger, chips and peas but I couldn’t stomach it.
By the time we were at the Maternity ward, I was already exhausted from the mental ordeal of knowing you were coming. All I remember is that Daddy was making lots of tea and Nanny was on her phone. She stayed with me because Daddy is utterly unable to deal with anything medical related which is why we went to a Maternity Unit instead of a normal hospital. But that changed because you just didn’t want to come!
I pushed in and out of the water, I had pethidine, gas and air, had my waters broken twice and I was sick everywhere… It was hours of agony. I was physically and mentally drained of all my energy. Yet Nanny stayed with me with Daddy popping in and out on occasion with tea. I recall seeing the clock as we went forward by an hour. Everyone in the room was talking casually and I was just praying you would come soon.
Alas, I ended up being whisked to the hospital in an ambulance, falling asleep sucking on more gas and air. You were at a funny angle and so pushing was no longer an option. I was given oxygen, sodium drip and various other tubes before my epidural and vacuum delivery. Man, I should’ve done that first and foremost. I was on my own in there (other than the five or so surgeons) but thank goodness because the place was a mess. Even Nanny would’ve fainted.
When I held you I cried. I was relieved that you were okay. I remember seeing your dimples and thinking about how you had dark hair like Daddy. You were so much bigger than I had imagined. But so small at the same time.
OUR FIRST NIGHT
We had to stay in recovery for a while as our temperatures were high and there was a concern we had an infection. But we were okay.
We stayed in overnight and you were in a bit of pain because of your head being cut from the vacuum. I was mostly sad because I couldn’t get out of bed to comfort you. I had to keep asking the midwives to help. But we came home the next day and that’s where our life began.
A NEW BEGINNING
The first few weeks were a teary blur. Breastfeeding, night feeds, worrying about your blocked nose, the appointments… It was all a lot to deal with. I wish I could go back and make the most of the quiet moments in between. I loved holding you in my arms, smelling your skin and having you sleep on me.
But so quickly, you were rolling, crawling, walking and talking. You became your own little character very quickly. Always laughing and smiling. It flew by. And I have cherished every single moment.
LIGHT OF MY LIFE
You’re so bright and clever. It’s as if you’re a sponge! For a two-year-old to count to twelve so clearly and know what a Martian is, truly blows my mind. There may be two-year-olds that can do and say more but the fact that you came from me and that I grew you and you can be so beautiful and smart makes me so proud. Your vocabulary is fab, you have a great sense of humour and have a wonderful character. You are cheeky, sassy and have a little bit of an attitude.
You give me a reason to get up in the mornings when I don’t want to leave my bed. When you give me a cuddle it makes all of the tantrums worth it. You make me smile every single morning when I walk into your room and see you standing up ready to greet me.
There isn’t much I can say other than you’re the light of my life. Ava, you make me laugh every day. Don’t get me wrong, you also make me want to scream but mostly when I’m trying to have a poo and you’re trying to climb on my lap. Or when I am trying to let the dogs go out and you’re screaming at me to get you a teapot. Perhaps even when I’m halfway through trying to make a cup of tea and you pull on my clothes just so I sit on a chair. But I also cry because I see you getting so big so fast and I realise you won’t be my baby forever.
You’re a beautiful and clever human and I will love you forever. And no doubt I will be shocked about how fast the next year will go but for now, I am making the most of my cuddles and kisses and the want for all my love and attention.
I don’t show pictures of Ava’s face anymore on public accounts for my own personal reasons hence why you only ever see the back of her and her feet!